My Journey to a Take-Home Baby in My 40s

I had a pulmonary embolism (PE) about six days after my third child was born via cesarean. This resulted in me being “done having children” per my doctors recommendation. In his professional opinion, it was too dangerous for me to be pregnant again due to having a prior clot. I accepted it and went about my life.

I was remarried in 2018 and the whole “I’m absolutely done” thing sort of flew out the window and has never been seen or heard from again. Relate much? Our family vision is at least two children. I fully support the use of embryo, sperm and egg donors, adoption and surrogacy. Those are all wonderful avenues, but our vision is to use our own genetic material.

Fifteen months went by …. nothing. In that time I saw my OB who wouldn’t do anything to help me get pregnant. He said he didn’t feel comfortable giving me any hormones since I had a clot. I saw a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and had some testing done. Nothing abnormal showed up other than decreased ovarian reserve (DOR) which is common at forty. I wasn’t interested in spending much more money at that point.

After nearly a year and a half of monthly disappointments, on my 16th cycle, I finally got pregnant! I had been taking a bunch of stuff to help with egg quality for about twelve months prior. We were in shock 🙂 I couldn’t believe it was true 🙂 We were so excited… after all that time waiting and trying.
We went in for our official first appointment at 7 weeks to get a viability scan. I was so worried about them finding the heartbeat. The tech was sure to look very carefully, but she couldn’t pick it up. She thought she could see a flicker, but in the end none was detected. I instantly started worrying. My OB said “At 7 weeks, we like to see a strong heartbeat” and we made an appointment to come back in five days to check for it one more time.

The next five days was hell on earth. We went back ten days later and the embryo had remained unchanged. When your body does not spontaneously abort the nonviable pregnancy, it is called a silent, or missed, miscarriage (MMC). I don’t need to describe the heartache we felt. I did end up having a D&C with that MMC. I spiraled and immediately hooked up with a different RE to start medicated cycles. I also called/wrote several fertility clinics to have consultations for IVF.

To my surprise, I got pregnant on my first medicated cycle, three months after my MMC. I must have been doing something right! (I go into great depth about what I was doing in my blog posts). As I neared six weeks, the rate at which my HCG was rising was not quick enough. It became apparent that something was wrong, again. I got in right around 6 weeks and the ultrasound (US) showed that the embryo implanted in my cesarean scar called a Cesarean Scar Pregnancy (CSP). The only treatment recommended and considered was Termination for Medical Reason (TFMR). I was “lucky enough” to have a natural miscarriage without needing intervention and without having to decide to end that little heart beat so my life would not be endangered. Yeah, I was “lucky enough” 😒 My heart goes out to all those who have to make that choice. No judgement from me, just love <3

I hit a low point. I had several consultations. I ultimately chose a clinic and did a retrieval cycle only a few months after the CSP miscarriage. We froze three embryos and due to covid we put transfers on hold. I developed some issues that would prevent implantation. I pretty much went rogue. I researched nonstop. I made up my own protocols, each cycle changing things and learning a massive amount.

After about five months of medicated cycles, I triggered 5 mature follies and got a BFP. To our surprise, at my 6+4 scan we found twins 😳😱 one strong heartbeat in a perfectly sized embryo… and one weaker heartbeat in a much smaller embryo measuring 5+4 🙏🏻

As the days passed, so did our littlest twin. My OB said it’s location in my uterus was a bit threatening to the living pregnancy. See, they both implanted low, but the little twin was the lowest, above my scar (ish). Also, the babies gestational sacs were close together so if the one pregnancy came out it could pull the other one out too.

At 9weeks + 4days I had an appointment with my OB. I was using the restroom when I realized I was bleeding quite a lot. I went back to my room and told the nurse and my husband what was happening and that I thought I might be miscarrying. I remember thinking, okay, this is it.. I’m losing them both. I was there for a scan to check on the low pregnancy that was no longer viable so they went ahead and did that and found two subchorionic hematomas (SCH) which can cause considerable bleeding. We still had one healthy baby in there, though 🙂

Finally I hit 11 weeks and at my 11+4 appointment my OB said he was no longer concerned. Baby was growing perfectly and was unaffected by the passing of his little sibling. My NIPT showed low risk and a baby boy!

Bliss was short-lived… My 20 week anatomy scan turned out to be very concerning. I had complete placenta previa (CPP) which is an automatic 37 week delivery due to high risk for hemorrhage during labor. In addition, it appeared I had placenta accreta which is a 34 – 37 week delivery. The maternal-fetal medicine specialist (MFM) started talking to us about a possible hysterectomy. I remember fixating on that point.

Again, relentless research calmed me. Seeking answers is my way of fooling myself into believing that I am controlling the uncontrollable. My OB laid it out: if accreta, it’s an automatic 34 – 37 week delivery and a C-hyst (cesarean hysterectomy). This means at the time of cesarean, I lose my ability to carry children. At this time, all we could do was wait to see if I had accreta or not, but inside I was a wreck.

At my next scan, it was apparent I had placenta increta stage 2 placental dysfunction instead of accreta stage 1. My placenta had infiltrated about 90% of my cervix. It was hard because I didn’t wanna lose my uterus, but if I must then I really didn’t want to lose my cervix too! So much for the little bit that I wanted to hang on to. Here we are wanting more children, but I was literally forced into a hysterectomy by fate… As I’ve heard:

“To Fate, a fickle mistress whose sense of justice is exceeded only by her sense of humor.”

Teresa Medeiros

My placenta started showing signs of grade 3 which is called placenta percreta where the placenta grows through the uterus itself and out the other side and on to other organs such as the bowel and bladder. It became progressively more painful to stand and walk. I honestly don’t think the doctors believed that I could feel my damn cervix! There was a plan put into place which entailed me being admitted two weeks early just to be safe.

My OB was strict on me not going past 34 weeks but he budged two days. I was admitted at 32+2, the day after Easter, and cesarean-hysterectomy was two weeks later at 34+2. There was a team of doctors who collaborated on the surgery. It was quite the ordeal, honestly. A gynecological oncologist and a urologist were on board as well.

In the end, I did end up having grade 3 placental dysfunction (percreta). I lost about 5 liters of blood during surgery. My bladder needed repair work and they nicked my ureter so I had to have a stent in for 5 weeks and a catheter for two. Baby went straight to NICU. He was 5lbs 7oz. I couldn’t see him for 24 hours. Pumping was a nightmare. I went home on the 6th day but baby stayed.

I ended up back in the hospital on the 12th day post surgery. Baby was still there and they managed to get me onto the same floor as him. Pumping was even a bigger nightmare. I had an infection and needed antibiotics, or four, and two more units of blood. I was home after three days. Baby came home on the 22nd day.

I have been dealing with the remnants of trauma as they present themselves. It has been difficult. Our plan was to have more than one child. That was my dream..

But my story isn’t over just yet 😉 Check out my blog for information on TTC over 40 and to follow my journey. Also, in my blog, I write about the above experiences in much greater detail in the Blog Topic Category: My Personal Journey TTC
Thank you for being here,
<3 BK